I am an analagous learner. I am not entirely certain that that is even a word, but doesn't it sound like the best way to say that I learn best through analogies? So I have spent the last two weeks searching for an analogy to explain the swirl of feelings inside me. I want to put words to my feelings of complete awe and being completey overwhelmed at the same time, a way to understand how I can be so dying for ten minutes to myself and yet miss him while he naps. I want a way to explain how my little red head, my husband and I are all teaching each other about how to be a family. And then it hit me, we are Nicholas Cage in Family Man.
I am not someone who has always dreamed of being a mother. I don't even want to have my own biological children. Kids are great, but I was pretty satisfied just being an aunt and dreaming of one day running an orphanage in another country. So, suddenly having a nearly 4 year old in my house makes me feel like a bit of an imposter. I really don't know what I am doing! I love him, and am loving every moment I get to spend with him. For some people, that means that they love being a mom, which is undoubtedly a calling in it's own right. However, for me, I think I would say that I love being with my precious son and knowing that I will get to watch him grow into the man he will become, whom I believe will be an incredible person and a world changer! And somehow in the midst of that, I have the distinct honor of being the person that he throws his arm around, smiles and calls "Mommy..."
And I am thankful that it is not "just a glimpse...."
Being of a similar mind set in not wanting to have children of my own body, I deeply felt your meaning. I do not know the feeling of mothering in a human sense, but I think the horses, dogs and parrot I have rescued kind of strike the same tune. Especially my special girl, Lily. However, it is FAR less demanding than parenting a child. It has been a very joyous experience to see a small part of your journey with Kolby, and I am sure all of the wonderful qualities of each member of your family will impress upon his beautiful soul. Not to mention the impressions and lessons you will all receive from him. I hope to saddle up a pony for that little man some day. You are a beautiful woman inside and out who has built an extraordinary family. I am certain that your heart of gold will see that little man through all he needs and more.
ReplyDelete