Trust and "looks"

You can do it, you’ve been doing that all morning, yes you can, I’ve seen you do it a thousand times, it’s ok, just do this or just do that. Remember, you have to do that, or you have to do this and there you go….

Very familiar language that I seem to be saying more and more of. It is a trust thing that I’m learning. I want you to help me is what I believe he is communicating to me and I communicate right back you don’t need my help you can do it on your own. Of course that is not what we tell each other, what actually occurs is something like this: “I can’t push my bike in the garage”, and I say “yes you can, just point the tire in the direction you want to go and push from the seat and there you go”. I then get a “look” from him like, why don’t you just help me do it, or do it for me? I return my own “look” to him that is trying to say…..
…..This is easy for you, I wouldn’t “push” you to do it on your own if I didn’t believe you could do it, you need to do things on your own so you can be independent, because life can be challenging at times and if you can face challenges with the understanding that you can do something on your own and be successful, than you can take care of yourself, but always try it first and if you need help later, daddy will be here to help…..
I know, I CAN say all that in one “look” (you should see how my wife and I communicate to our dog).

So, I’m learning that this is all about trust. He needs to trust in me that I will help him when he needs help and I I’m trying to teach him to trust in his own capabilities and in his daddy knowing that his daddy will never give him something that is beyond his capabilities to do. Pretty deep stuff, especially when it is communicated with his sentence of “I can’t. Help me” and my sentence of “yes you can, just ……….. and you’ve done it”

This is complex already with any child, but when you add the factors of his history into the mix, it becomes as complicated as the love triangles on Days or the “show” (that’s for you Moma if you don’t know what I’m talking about its okay, family humor). Anyway, things are complex because I’m trying my best to make him the Godly man that the Lord has given me the wisdom to make him (more wisdom is appreciated by the way) and I have to make sure that I don’t “push” or “offend” or “tamper” with the fine balance that is going on in him at an emotional level. As my lovely wife states, it has only been 4 weeks, so love on him, nurture him and give him lots of grace. Those are our goals while he still goes through this transition. Great, let’s do it but what about the trust, confidence, self esteem and leadership characteristics that I’m seeing in him and I’m trying to bring out in him? Lots of balance and complexity, but we will get there. That is a lot for a daddy and mommy to process, but for a 4 year old, he seems to be doing all right with it all. As he said to me after he put his bike in the garage by himself, “I did it, now let’s go hide from mommy, ok?”. My response to him was just as innocent, “sure buddy, let’s go hide” but my “look” said……. you’re a great kid, I knew you could do it and let’s keep it simple and have fun, ok!

Peace,
NB