Anyone who has ever been to our house knows that there is ALWAYS music playing. We eat with music on in the background, we read with it, blog with it (as the stereo is on at this moment), and even leave it on for our dog when we leave (Side note: I have always wondered if he really hates this and feels that we are torturing him in the same way the Feds played Britney Spears over and over at the Waco compound to try to lure them out). We also like to dance randomly and goofily from time to time... I know, this is more than you needed to know about what happens behind closed doors at our house. But it is important to understand this about us to understand how ironic it was that our son did NOT like music when he first came to our house. In fact, one of the first things he did when he arrived was turn OFF the stereo. And he proceeded to turn it off every time he noticed it was on for the first couple of weeks. He also did not like random dancing and would get very upset when my husband would do "the hot dog dance" when that catchy little tune came on the Mickey Mouse Club every morning.
Fortunately, things have changed over the past two months. I guess it happened so gradually that I did not notice much until yesterday when I told my little redhead it was time to dance. We started twirling around the livingroom, singing some song I made up about dancing in the livingroom (I know, I need more inspiration...). As I watched him dancing and laughing, my heart began to smile. I have always considered song to be an expression of joy in the heart and I believe that he has now found his joy. It's amazing what seven weeks can do!
On a different note, he started asking for a little sister this week... a lot. I have told him to direct all requests to the Lord and see what happens. :)
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Behind the Scenes
It is so easy to get caught up in the crises that DO come our way that I have often thought that when I get to Heaven, I want to ask God to show me all of the things that DIDN'T come my way. I want to see the heartbreak He prevented by keeping away those who would hurt me, the mistakes He kept me from making by leading me down a different path, and the high heels He kept out of the cuffs of my dress pants (if you have ever worn such a combo, you know that it's deadly...) so that I did not trip... Okay, so I might have to ask Him why He didn't do a bit more of that last one. ;) Having a child has given me a firsthand view of that provision in two ways.
First, I get to see the ways that I keep my little redhead safe. When he plays, I move things out of the way so that he does not fall. I try to anticipate his needs by bringing his hat to keep the sun out of his eyes, even though he insists that he does not want it at that time. I try to convince him that he really does not want to pour all of the sand out of his sandbox because then he will not have anymore to play with. I am constantly aware of his needs and what I can do to meet them, which can only be a tiny fraction of how the Lord watches over us, keeping us safe and meeting our needs before we even know we need them.
Second, I see the ways that God has meets my son's needs even before he knows how to ask. For example, last week my husband was approached at work by our son's former foster care consultant, G. G said that his former foster mother would like to give us a picture of our son and their son, whom he referred to as his "baby." Of course he said yes, but did not mention it to our son.
Let me pause and fill you in. Some key things you need to know here are:
1. Our son has never mentioned his former foster brother.
2. He has never asked us to get anything from his "other house."
Moving on... That night, as my husband was putting our little guy to bed, he stated that he missed his "baby," and that he does not have a picture of him to show us. He then asked his daddy if he could get him a picture of his "baby."
That gives me chills...just to think that God takes care of us down to such tiny details as a photograph. But it doesn't end there. I toured about seven preschools months ago before our child ever even knew we existed. We picked one, feeling like it would best meet his needs. A few days ago we met his (new!) teacher who shared that she grew up in the foster care system and is very excited to meet our little guy! What are the odds?! Pretty good when God is involved....
Before I close, I want to share one more little story, just for fun. We took our guy to Pei Wei for his first Chinese food experience on Sunday. When he opened up his fortune cookie it read, "An unexpected relationship will become permanent." Yes, Lord! Amen to that!
First, I get to see the ways that I keep my little redhead safe. When he plays, I move things out of the way so that he does not fall. I try to anticipate his needs by bringing his hat to keep the sun out of his eyes, even though he insists that he does not want it at that time. I try to convince him that he really does not want to pour all of the sand out of his sandbox because then he will not have anymore to play with. I am constantly aware of his needs and what I can do to meet them, which can only be a tiny fraction of how the Lord watches over us, keeping us safe and meeting our needs before we even know we need them.
Second, I see the ways that God has meets my son's needs even before he knows how to ask. For example, last week my husband was approached at work by our son's former foster care consultant, G. G said that his former foster mother would like to give us a picture of our son and their son, whom he referred to as his "baby." Of course he said yes, but did not mention it to our son.
Let me pause and fill you in. Some key things you need to know here are:
1. Our son has never mentioned his former foster brother.
2. He has never asked us to get anything from his "other house."
Moving on... That night, as my husband was putting our little guy to bed, he stated that he missed his "baby," and that he does not have a picture of him to show us. He then asked his daddy if he could get him a picture of his "baby."
That gives me chills...just to think that God takes care of us down to such tiny details as a photograph. But it doesn't end there. I toured about seven preschools months ago before our child ever even knew we existed. We picked one, feeling like it would best meet his needs. A few days ago we met his (new!) teacher who shared that she grew up in the foster care system and is very excited to meet our little guy! What are the odds?! Pretty good when God is involved....
Before I close, I want to share one more little story, just for fun. We took our guy to Pei Wei for his first Chinese food experience on Sunday. When he opened up his fortune cookie it read, "An unexpected relationship will become permanent." Yes, Lord! Amen to that!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Trust and "looks"
You can do it, you’ve been doing that all morning, yes you can, I’ve seen you do it a thousand times, it’s ok, just do this or just do that. Remember, you have to do that, or you have to do this and there you go….
Very familiar language that I seem to be saying more and more of. It is a trust thing that I’m learning. I want you to help me is what I believe he is communicating to me and I communicate right back you don’t need my help you can do it on your own. Of course that is not what we tell each other, what actually occurs is something like this: “I can’t push my bike in the garage”, and I say “yes you can, just point the tire in the direction you want to go and push from the seat and there you go”. I then get a “look” from him like, why don’t you just help me do it, or do it for me? I return my own “look” to him that is trying to say…..
…..This is easy for you, I wouldn’t “push” you to do it on your own if I didn’t believe you could do it, you need to do things on your own so you can be independent, because life can be challenging at times and if you can face challenges with the understanding that you can do something on your own and be successful, than you can take care of yourself, but always try it first and if you need help later, daddy will be here to help…..
I know, I CAN say all that in one “look” (you should see how my wife and I communicate to our dog).
So, I’m learning that this is all about trust. He needs to trust in me that I will help him when he needs help and I I’m trying to teach him to trust in his own capabilities and in his daddy knowing that his daddy will never give him something that is beyond his capabilities to do. Pretty deep stuff, especially when it is communicated with his sentence of “I can’t. Help me” and my sentence of “yes you can, just ……….. and you’ve done it”
This is complex already with any child, but when you add the factors of his history into the mix, it becomes as complicated as the love triangles on Days or the “show” (that’s for you Moma if you don’t know what I’m talking about its okay, family humor). Anyway, things are complex because I’m trying my best to make him the Godly man that the Lord has given me the wisdom to make him (more wisdom is appreciated by the way) and I have to make sure that I don’t “push” or “offend” or “tamper” with the fine balance that is going on in him at an emotional level. As my lovely wife states, it has only been 4 weeks, so love on him, nurture him and give him lots of grace. Those are our goals while he still goes through this transition. Great, let’s do it but what about the trust, confidence, self esteem and leadership characteristics that I’m seeing in him and I’m trying to bring out in him? Lots of balance and complexity, but we will get there. That is a lot for a daddy and mommy to process, but for a 4 year old, he seems to be doing all right with it all. As he said to me after he put his bike in the garage by himself, “I did it, now let’s go hide from mommy, ok?”. My response to him was just as innocent, “sure buddy, let’s go hide” but my “look” said……. you’re a great kid, I knew you could do it and let’s keep it simple and have fun, ok!
Peace,
NB
Very familiar language that I seem to be saying more and more of. It is a trust thing that I’m learning. I want you to help me is what I believe he is communicating to me and I communicate right back you don’t need my help you can do it on your own. Of course that is not what we tell each other, what actually occurs is something like this: “I can’t push my bike in the garage”, and I say “yes you can, just point the tire in the direction you want to go and push from the seat and there you go”. I then get a “look” from him like, why don’t you just help me do it, or do it for me? I return my own “look” to him that is trying to say…..
…..This is easy for you, I wouldn’t “push” you to do it on your own if I didn’t believe you could do it, you need to do things on your own so you can be independent, because life can be challenging at times and if you can face challenges with the understanding that you can do something on your own and be successful, than you can take care of yourself, but always try it first and if you need help later, daddy will be here to help…..
I know, I CAN say all that in one “look” (you should see how my wife and I communicate to our dog).
So, I’m learning that this is all about trust. He needs to trust in me that I will help him when he needs help and I I’m trying to teach him to trust in his own capabilities and in his daddy knowing that his daddy will never give him something that is beyond his capabilities to do. Pretty deep stuff, especially when it is communicated with his sentence of “I can’t. Help me” and my sentence of “yes you can, just ……….. and you’ve done it”
This is complex already with any child, but when you add the factors of his history into the mix, it becomes as complicated as the love triangles on Days or the “show” (that’s for you Moma if you don’t know what I’m talking about its okay, family humor). Anyway, things are complex because I’m trying my best to make him the Godly man that the Lord has given me the wisdom to make him (more wisdom is appreciated by the way) and I have to make sure that I don’t “push” or “offend” or “tamper” with the fine balance that is going on in him at an emotional level. As my lovely wife states, it has only been 4 weeks, so love on him, nurture him and give him lots of grace. Those are our goals while he still goes through this transition. Great, let’s do it but what about the trust, confidence, self esteem and leadership characteristics that I’m seeing in him and I’m trying to bring out in him? Lots of balance and complexity, but we will get there. That is a lot for a daddy and mommy to process, but for a 4 year old, he seems to be doing all right with it all. As he said to me after he put his bike in the garage by himself, “I did it, now let’s go hide from mommy, ok?”. My response to him was just as innocent, “sure buddy, let’s go hide” but my “look” said……. you’re a great kid, I knew you could do it and let’s keep it simple and have fun, ok!
Peace,
NB
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